Life with Gavin

I can't believe our little Gavin is 7 weeks old already! Since I write this blog mostly as a personal journal and record keeping thing for myself, and not really to get a lot of readers, my goal is to write an update at least once a month on Gavin and life in general. I know I think that I will remember all the details of him as a baby, but chances are I will easily forget. His month old milestone came and went so fast that I better get this in before he is two months!

Here are his stats at birth:
Weight: 7 pounds
Height: 19.5 inches
Head: 34 cm

At his two week appointment:
Weight: 7 pounds (we were so happy he made it back to his birth weight, because we were worried there for a bit) 10th percentile
Height: 20.75 inches 54th percentile
Head: 35 cm 14th percentile

I can't weight to see what he is at his 2 month appointment. I guess I could try to weigh and measure him myself, but I will just let the professionals do it. My guess is that he is at least 9.5 pounds. He is really starting to chunk up, which is just glorious.

Gavin is just a delight, but is also keeping us on our toes. He is getting so big so fast and I just love it! Sure I love how tiny he is and this adorable newborn phase, but I won't lie, I can't wait for him to be a little more interactive and to be able to hold his head up and things like that. Today he smiled at me for the first time. Of course he has had little baby smiles since birth, but this was a full on legitimate smile that was actually at me, not just a baby reflex. Can I just say it melted my heart? And he even did it twice! It is like there is finally some validation in this crazy thing called parenthood.

I have been told Gavin is a very vocal baby, which is the nice way of saying he is a little fussy. He really doesn't full blown cry very often, but he grunts and struggles ALL THE TIME. It is getting better, but from about week 3 until about week 6, he has gone through some serious gastrointestinal distress. We have tried a few things but nothing really has seemed to work. I keep thinking I should try to go off dairy or something, but I can't seem to manage it. I do think his reflux is getting a little better and he has been able to settle down at night so much better! He has started realizing night and day and sleeps 3 to 4 hour stretches at night. Before he was only sleeping about 45 minute to hour and a half at most stretches. Let's just say that was keeping me pretty tired.

Gavin sleeps in his own room, in his own crib. He hates being swaddled, but needs it to stay asleep. He loves bath time. He used to cry because he got cold, but now that we can let him soak in the warm water he gets really relaxed. He loves getting his hair rinsed with warm water and Mom loves brushing his hair after bath time. Gavin gets a bath almost every night to help him calm down before bed. It is a little bit of work, but it is worth it to help him sleep longer.

Gavin loves being held, except when he is overtired. We are really working on putting him down for naps and it seems to be working. He loves getting his bum patted and back rubbed. He also loves foot and hand massages. He is a good little eater and sometimes it seems like he could eat all day long, which is not as fun for me. Every night Sam feeds Gavin at least one bottle so I can get more sleep and I think it is a great bonding time for them.

Things I don't want to forget: I love the way he scrunches his little forehead when I am feeding him, like he is concentrating really hard. I love his hairy ears. I love stroking his dark hair while he eats. I think it is hilarious that when he eats is also when he is able to pass gas. He makes this funny face where his eyes get all wide and he goes really still and quiet and then bam, out comes the toot, and then he starts frantically eating again. I love the face he makes when he is out cold on my shoulder and his cheek gets all squished. I love his little whimpers and sighs that he makes. I love that he purses his lips all the time and makes the best turtle face. I love his big round cheeks and double chin. We keep him pretty bundled up, so every now and then I love feeding him in just a onesie and getting to stroke his tiny hands and feet. I love all his nicknames: Gavman, Little Gav, Gavvy, Gavinator, Gavindor, Gavindo, Toots Magoots, and Spits Magee. Yes I call him all those names. I love that he is getting little rolls on his arms and legs. Today I love that he finally smiled back at me. It makes me excited for all that is to come for him. I absolutely love my little Gavin.

Parenthood is exhausting. I feel overwhelmed most days. I feel like I am failing most days. But I have to tell myself that I am doing an okay job. I have to remember to just take a step back and enjoy this time because it will go by so fast.

We love you Gavin!

Gavin's Birth Story

If you were ever wondering how to make time pass by as fast as possible, just have a baby! Then time will fly by so fast you won't even know what day of the week it is. I had every intention of writing this blog post the week Gavin was born, but each day has passed and I just haven't had the energy to do it. Finally in the last few days I have started feeling just tired and not completely delirious. I wanted to write about Gavin's birth story while it was all still fresh in my mind so I would not forget all the amazing details.

Gavin George Prusse was born on October 28th at 8:16 pm, weighing 7 pounds even and 19 1/2 inches long. Everything went as well as it could have gone, and we could not be happier with our sweet little Gavin. That is the quick version, now for those who want, here are all the details.

As most of you reading already know, on October 16th Sam and I went into labor and delivery because I had not felt him move hardly at all that day. It turned out that he was just fine, but I had high levels of liver enzymes in my blood, with blurred vision, headaches and some high blood pressure. We never actually figured out what it was the I had, but it could have been preeclampsia or something similar called Hellps Syndrome, or possibly colestatis in pregnancy, which is when you have high bile acids from your liver in your blood. All of these things could be dangerous to the baby as well as me and after a few days in the hospital the plan became for me to plan on being induced at 37 weeks no matter if not earlier. I must say that I kept a pretty positive attitude while I was there. Sure I felt a little sorry for myself at times, but I felt blessed that I was in good hands, Sam was able to stay every night with me, I had a lot of wonderful visitors and kind nurses to keep me company. My work was awesome in covering for me while I was trying to make things work for my long-term sub. I was able to finalize my grades as it was the end of the first quarter at school and everything seemed to be coming together. We were surprised on October 25th, after 10 days in the hospital that they were going to let me go home for two nights until I would be induced on the 27th. It was a much needed boost to my mood and helped me feel a little more prepared for when the baby came.

So that Monday and Tuesday Sam stayed home from work and basically did all my nesting for me. I was told to just rest and not do anything crazy. I didn't have much energy to do anything anyways. It is amazing how being basically on bed rest for 10 days can really suck the life out of you. Just trying to walk around Target for last minute baby items was more than I could handle.

I was very anxious as we went to bed on Monday night and asked Sam for a blessing. My nerves were calmed and I was able to sleep and make it through Tuesday. I had to go in for blood work Tuesday morning, then do a non-stress test, then to see my doctor where I was checked and was told I was dilated to about 1 1/2 cm and about 60% effaced which was good news since I really had not signs of labor at all. The plan was made that I would be called to come into labor and delivery between 7:00 and 9:30 pm that night. Sam and I went back home and I took a nap while he worked on things at home. We went out to dinner hoping that while we ate we would be called in. Well 7 pm came and went, then 8, then 9, and then 9:30. We were told that if we did not get called by then we should call them. So I called and talked to the charge nurse and she told us they were super busy and to just go to bed and they would call us when they had a room. Uh... sure I will just go to bed and relax, yeah right. At this point my anxiety was so high and all I wanted was to just get this process started. Well we finally decided to go to bed about midnight and then of course about 20 minutes later, we got the call to come in. This was it! It was finally happening.

Last pregnancy picture at 37 weeks

We arrived at the hospital at about 1 am. The nurse that helped us was actually the nurse that helped us on the 16th when we originally came in. She got me started on a pill they implant into my cervix to start the dilation process. She started my IV and hooked up the heart and contraction monitors. Sam made himself comfortable on the couch and I tried my best to get a few hours of sleep with all those things hooked up to me. I probably slept about 3 hours. I had to have one more dose of medicine, and by 8 am and a very restless night, I was ready to be induced with pitocin.

My body took really well to the induction process, almost too well. I started having contractions about one minute a part so they had to turn down my dose. At this point I was finally feeling the contractions and thought, yeah I can do this, this is not so bad. I was talkative and felt confident. Then about an hour after being induced they came in to break my water. Well, about 15 minutes after breaking my water my outlook changed fast. The contractions came on so fast and strong that they started taking my breath away. I had wanted to hold off on the epidural as long as I could so I could get up and walk around but at that point I had zero desire to walk around or do anything. I tried hard to relax and listen to the hypnobabies birthing day affirmations I had brought but it actually only made me more annoyed than anything. I had said that I wanted the epidural before the contractions brought me to tears, so when I started crying Sam helped me call the nurse in and within 5 minutes the anesthesiologist was in there to give me the epidural.

Can I just say bless that man? The epidural was seriously not bad at all. He was quick and the numbing shot was actually the worse part, like a quick bee sting. Once I got the epidural I felt great and was so happy I did not try to endure the contractions. This was really when the waiting game began. We just had to wait for things to progress.

I had asked my sister Rebekah to come and assist me in my labor, and she showed up around 2 pm. A very weird thing started happening where I could feel nothing on my right side, but I could feel almost everything on my left side. I started feeling the contractions really strong on my left and it started becoming unbearable. Around this time the nurse also realized that the baby was face up instead of being face down. This was causing me to have more painful contractions than normal and for them to come in irregular patterns. I would get 3 to 4 in a row and then a few minutes of a break. They hoped he would turn face down on his own by having be lay on my side with a big blow up "peanut" between my legs. Thing of a big oblong exercise ball. At first this was not so bad, but after a few hours of laying with that thing, it started hurting my back so bad I had to take a break. After a while, even after pushing the epidural button to up my dose, I was feeling contractions in my left side so bad that I was in horrible pain. They called the anesthesiologist back in and he upped my dose. After that I felt nothing. I was so numb I could not move my legs at all. It was slightly hilarious, slightly uncomfortable, and very difficult because I had to move from side to side so many times. It took the nurse and one other person to move me at all because I was such a dead weight. The epidural made me get the shivers so bad that I could not stop shaking and I felt freezing cold. For the next few hours I just laid there huddled in blankets trying to talk to Sam and Rebekah to pass the time.

Waiting all day...

Finally around 7 pm they checked me and I was dilated to about a 9. It was almost time to start pushing.  About the same time I got hit with a terrible stomach ache and nausea I thought for sure that I would throw up. The nurse gave me so medicine and loosened the monitor bands on my stomach and I was able to relax. My doctor had come in twice to turn the baby so he was face down, and after the 2nd try he stayed put and I was ready to push.

At first pushing was not so bad. My epidural had started wearing off just enough that I could feel the contractions again. The nurse was really experienced and helpful and gave me good instructions. Sam and Rebekah were right there, literally supporting me and helping me count. After about 30 minutes though I started feeling discouraged. I definitely stopped trying to talk to anyone at this point and in fact I was really emotional and I was afraid that if I let my emotions overtake me I would hyperventilate or something. It was all I could do to just focus on each wave of contractions and give all I could to pushing. I didn't have energy for anything else. Sam was so sweet and kept trying to be really encouraging, but I kept telling him to not be too sweet so I could stay focused and not get too emotional.

Finally my doctor showed up which was really the ultimate motivation. Seeing her there meant that this was about to happen. I really like my doctor a lot and I felt like she fit with my personality. Between her, and Rebekah and Sam all telling me to push as hard as I could I felt the motivation I needed for that last hard part. I actually used a mirror to see him as he was coming out, which sounds kind of gross and strange (and kind of is) but is incredibly helpful. I would totally recommend that to a first time mom giving birth. To see his head crowning was so amazing and helped me push even harder.

Finally after about an hour of pushing I was able to get him out. Can I just say that there is no better feeling in the world than when that baby comes out of you. It literally and emotionally was this huge weight that just left me and the reward was that sweet baby they put on my chest. With that last big push he really kind of flew out, so much that Sam thought he would fall on the floor, but of course he didn't. Those first cries were the most amazing sound. The whole thing was such a blur. They put him right on my chest. He was covered in white and crying loudly, which is the best noise you could hear. I was still pretty numb, so the after birth was nothing to me. As my doctor worked and everyone was bustling around me all I could do was just focus on my sweet new little baby. It was literally the most amazing experience I have ever had. As tired as I was I felt this amazing high and felt so proud of myself and this new little human that I brought into the world.

First Family Photo

We had a good hour of skin on skin time and Sam was able to hold him as well. Then they wheeled me up to our room where we had family waiting to see him. I remember feeling so proud, like I wanted everyone we passed in the hallways to see this perfect little human that Sam and I had created. For the next 24 hours, I felt this unbelievable amount of happiness that everything went so well. I am so grateful that I had trusted my gut and went to the doctor early and that I didn't have any complications arise. I am so grateful that even though I had to be induced at 37 weeks, with no labor of my own, that my body responded so well to being induced. I am so grateful that things went as well as they could be. Overall, I was in labor about 12 hours with pushing for about an hour, which is about average for a first time delivery. I am so grateful to have had Sam and Rebekah there to support me and help me through this amazing process. Mostly I am so grateful for little Gavin and for the amazing gift it is to be his mother. I am so in love. I can just stare at his face all day. Time is moving so fast and I don't want to forget this sweet time when he is so new. Welcome to the world little Gavin. You are loved beyond words.

Brand new in the hospital

Ready to come home from the hospital

Picture overload of Gavin

When you are in the hospital but you aren't sick... All the details

Well here I am at the hospital. Not in labor. Not sick. But here I am. It is kind of a strange thing. So I started my Fall Break on Wednesday and I was very set on getting things in order for the baby and for school since I had not made my sub plans yet and I only have about a month before my due date. I spent all day Wednesday going on errands, buying all those wonderful things that a woman preparing to give birth buys like giant pads, aloe vera, stool softeners, etc. I mailed out shower thank you notes, we cleaned the house, organized things, etc. I think it is a little too early for nesting technically, but I wanted to take advantage of my break. Unfortunately on Thursday I woke up in the night with a sick stomach. I had a stomach bug all day which kept me pretty house bound and unable to get what I wanted done. One thing I did do was go out to the hospital for a blood test. I have been getting itchy hands and feet which can be a sign of cholestasis in pregnancy and can be dangerous for the baby. So even though I felt sick I went off to the hospital and got my blood drawn.

The next day I woke up feeling just fine and was anxious about my lab results because if you do have cholestasis then you are likely to be induced early as to not endanger the baby. I spent all morning working on my long-term sub plans and instructions. I went out to lunch with my sister and on some errands when I got really blurry vision while we were at Costco. I had been having this happen for the last few weeks and thought it was just a migraine. For those who have never been blessed with migraines, you can get blurred vision with the onset of migraines, a symptom that I always get when I have them. So my sister took me home and I laid down in bed. This is when I started getting worried because I had really not felt much movement from the baby all day. I was worried about not feeling him move, about my lab results, and about having this crazy blurry vision. All of this kind of made me freak out and I ended up calling my doctor's nurse, which was when she told me that I should go into labor and delivery just to get checked out and get some peace of mind.

So the next thing I knew Sam and I are driving out to the hospital. It was then that I started to really feel the baby kick. I felt so stupid and that we didn't even need to go, but Sam said we should still try. Randomly on the way to the hospital we almost got majorly rear ended when everyone suddenly braked on the freeway. The car behind us swerved probably to not hit us and ended up spinning around behind us. It was terrifying. Amazingly I don't think anyone hit them. So after that my blood was really pumping and the baby really started moving. By the time we got checked into labor and delivery I felt really silly being there because I was obviously feeling the baby move. The hooked me up to some monitors and began asking me a million questions and then Sam and I waited. What we were told would be 25-30 minutes to get checked out started to get longer, and longer, and longer.

The baby turns out, was absolutely fine. Which is great. He is nice and healthy and healthy and moving around. It was the blood work I had done which was worrisome. A doctor came in and spoke to us about how I had elevated levels of liver enzymes which can be a sign of preeclampsia or a condition that is more severe but similar called hellps syndrome. I also had a few high readings of blood pressure which worried them. We started hearing things like "induction" and "delivering the baby." At this point we were kind of freaking out. I got a major headache and felt really overwhelmed. They talked to a high-risk doctor and she thought it would be best to wait the night and test my blood again in the morning, and we agreed. So our 20-30 minute check turned into an overnight stay.

I really thought they would send me home the next day because the baby was healthy and I was feeling fine, but my pesky lab work was still too high. My OB actually was on call on Saturday so she was able to come and see me, which was nice. She described for me why they were keeping me and the risk of going home and pretty much said I could not go home because if I did have one of these things then it could go from not so bad to really dangerous super fast. She wanted to keep doing lab work each day and see if I started getting any more obvious symptoms so they could diagnose what I have. If I showed any other symptoms then they would have reason to induce me immediately, but since I am only 35 weeks it is too early to justify an induction unless it was more serious, which I agreed with. So we spent all Saturday at the hospital and Saturday turned into Sunday. 

On Sunday I met with a high-risk doctor and she gave me hope that I would be able to go home. She was not super concerned about my enzyme levels because they were not extremely high and in fact they had even dropped a little that day. Her prediction was that they would keep going down and I might even be able to go home Monday afternoon. At that point Sam and I were just ready to go home. I thought they would do my early morning blood work, it would come back better, and we would go home and go back to normal life. It was kind of an emotional roller coaster. Friday and Saturday I was really trying to mentally prepare myself for an early baby and that I would not be going back to work. Then after hearing I would probably go home I had to mentally get back to normal life and going back to work and just waiting to go into labor on my own like planned.

Well this morning they came and took a bunch of blood samples. A little while later another high risk doctor came and met with me and told me that my levels did not get better but in fact got worse, so they would keep me another day. So then Monday is now going to turn into Tuesday. My OB came and met with me again and basically told me that they don't know what to do with me. This just makes me laugh. Of course I would have some mysterious ailment that they can't for sure diagnose. Her guess is that I have preeclampsia but I am just not manifesting all the normal symptoms. So she basically told me the plan is likely to keep me here until I deliver this baby boy. They probably won't let me go past 37 weeks. I will be 36 weeks tomorrow so potentially I could be here for a whole week just waiting to either get worse enough to justify early induction, miraculously get better, or be induced next Tuesday. But even with that, there is no certainty. 

Lets just say this is not how I imagined the end of my pregnancy going. Honestly I feel perfectly fine. In fact I feel almost no stress here. They bring me all my food. I don't have to do dishes or deal with teenagers, or go to work and be on my feet. I am not hooked up to any monitors or on bed rest so I can walk around as I please. I am definitely getting bored, but I even have my computer to get some work done. My work has been amazing and helped me get things sorted out as best as possible. I am just trying to mentally prepare for whatever is coming. I truly imagined myself going over my due date and beginning to get contractions on my own. I imagined timing my contractions and telling Sam when it was time to go to the hospital. It is hard being here not because I don't feel good or I am uncomfortable, but because I feel like I don't belong yet. Everyone here has already delivered their babies. I see them wearing robes and pushing them around the halls. I see tired Dads getting drinks for their wives. The nurses joke that I am the easiest patient they have. I have a little jealousy that they have their babies and mine is still waiting to come out, but at the same time I want him to stay in and keep growing and getting stronger. It is a lot of mixed emotions!

 I am so anxious and excited to meet out little boy but at the same time there is the worry that there will be complications from the induction or him coming early. What keeps me feeling at peace is how well he appears on every screening and test. I know everything will work out and that I am in the best possible place, but there is still so much uncertainty. So for now we are playing the waiting game. At least I feel good and the baby is healthy and I have Sam and family here helping me and supporting me. That is all I really need and can ask for. I am so blessed that I have been able to keep calm and feel peace in my heart while I have been here. I haven't even cried, which is amazing! I think this just goes to show that with parenting you have to learn patience and flexibility and I am beginning to learn those before our baby has even come. So there is the long detailed story of why I am in the hospital, but neither the baby or I are actually sick. For now, enjoy these amazing pictures of little baby boy's 34 week ultrasound and my big growing belly!

34 weeks

35 weeks

Adorable sliver of Baby Boy's face, I love the nose and cheeks!

Another more smooshed version. His nose is not really that lumpy :)

He already has wispy hair!

Thanks for all the love, support, concern, and prayers from everyone. We really appreciate it. We are doing great and are in the best possible place. Hopefully the next update will be the birth of our little man!

Thoughts at 26 weeks pregnant, how I am "feeling"

I thought I would post a blog right at viability when I hit 24 weeks because to me that was such a big milestone in pregnancy. However, the laziness that has settled over me because of this pregnancy has prevented me from doing so. As mentioned in my last post, the most frequent question I am asked is, "How are you feeling?" I think this question is comical. I think that people are being sincere and really want to know, but it is such a complicated question. How am I feeling? Well usually I just say, oh fine. Or good. But if I could really spend the time on that question, here is what I would say.

I am feeling exhausted. Can we just talk about sleep for a second? I hate that I can't sleep! I am up so much in the night already. I consider it a full night sleep when all I have to do is wake up to go to the bathroom 3 times. Most nights I am tossing and turning and achy all over. It is awesome. This is basically what our bed looks like. I have my wall of pillows that I adjust accordingly throughout the night. I know this is a normal thing in pregnancy but it does not make it any less terrible.

I am still feeling sick. I have really come to not enjoy eating, which is really too bad because food used to be so delicious. I still wake up feeling slightly nauseous every morning, which is almost as awesome as not being able to sleep. There are some blessed foods that help me out every day. I love fruit! It is the best! Peaches, oranges, apples, bananas, watermelon. I love it all. And fruit juice! My new favorite is apple juice! But don't worry orange juice, you are my favorite too. I am finally back in the meat game, but for a while there the smell of BBQ was enough to make my stomach curdle. Popsicles are always good. Bread is not. When you read about morning sickness stuff they say to eat dry foods like bread and crackers. Yes, why not make my already dry mouth gag a little more? I have kind of lost my love of bread, which is really not so bad for weight gain. Except for garlic bread, I could eat a whole loaf by myself.

I am feeling crazy. My emotions are out of control! I am already one of those females who is very sensitive to hormonal changes in my body. And, especially with being married, I have come to realize when it is really my hormones that is making me act like an insane person and I just step back, eat some ice cream, sit alone, and calm down. However, with pregnancy this is a whole new ball game. I literally cried for about an hour by myself last week. I just kept crying for no reason at all. Poor Sam has no idea what to do. I can barely watch or read anything to do with a newborn without crying. Like hysterically.

I am feeling sensitive, emotionally and physically. I don't know if this is normal in pregnancy, but I feel like I get pins and needles all over for no reason at all. It is like my body is radiating energy and I can't calm down. We will just be watching TV and I start getting restless body syndrome and I can't sit still. It is almost painful. I tried to talk to my doctor about it but I think she just thought I was having anxiety. This is not anxiety. It is a physical discomfort and I hate it. Usually we just go for a walk and that helps, but I hope it goes away after the baby comes. Also, at night when I lay down I feel like my heart is pounding out of my chest. That is likely due to all the extra blood my body it pumping, but it is just one of the things that makes it hard to sleep. I am also super touchy and startle easily. If you wanted to scare me, now is the time, except don't because if you do I am afraid the baby will pop out. Every little thing makes me jump. One night, while sleeping, Sam just affectionately tickled by leg with his hand, but I jumped up and thought a mouse was in the bed and almost fell on to the floor. It was a bit of an over reaction.

I am feeling uncomfortable. I know, I know. I have a long way to go until November, but I am already uncomfortable. Not just from my belly, but everything else. It is hard to get up and down already. I get a head ache almost every day. My back sometimes feels paralyzed by the end of the day. My feet are sore. I stretch, relax, walk, get back rubs, take baths, use essential oils, listen to meditation things, but the discomfort really is always there. 

I feel incapable. I am the type of person that is able to do most things for myself. I am not a needy person. I am the helper, not the one who gets helped. But that is all changing. I have considered it a successful day when I just pick one big thing to get done. Like writing this blog might be my one big thing and then maybe I will take a nap. However, I have about a million things to do. I have tried to be really productive this summer, and with A LOT of help from Sam, we have a lot done already.

With that being said, there is still a lot to do before Baby Boy comes. The above picture is the state of the nursery right now. We do have a dresser, a crib, the nursery painted, stroller put together, clothes being washed and organized already happening or done, which I think is pretty good 3 months away from birth. But the reason why I want all this done is because I am about to go back to work. Oh did I mention this is my last day of summer? I start work tomorrow and school starts next week. That is a whole other topic though.

I feel excited and overwhelmed with happiness. With all of those above complaints I am mostly excited. Yes, I feel a big amount of fear and anxiety, but I think that is normal and good right now. When I first found out that I was pregnant I was not afraid at all. I felt like I could handle everything because I have so much time under my belt taking care of all kinds of babies. Well there is nothing like a good 6 months of pregnancy to humble you a bit. I think it is good for me to realize that I don't know it all and that this is going to be a huge challenge for me. I could not be more excited for that challenge though. I can't wait to meet our baby! Three months seems like such a long, long time. All of this is worth it and all I want is a happy, healthy, chubby baby boy and all of this will just be a hazy memory right? Or so I have heard. 

Well here at am at 26 weeks pregnant. Here is to 14 more weeks to go! I can't wait to meet you Baby Boy, but for now you better stay in there and I will continue to "feel fine" until you come!

Thoughts on Pregnancy: Halfway There!

Sam and I had our 20 week ultrasound two weeks ago (as mentioned in my previous post) and I feel like I should probably spend a little more time getting my thoughts out on our experience. As I also stated before we are expecting a little boy! We are so excited! I was so nervous for our ultrasound but I honestly did not care if it was going to be a boy or a girl. Isn't it funny how everyone asks you that question? "Do you want a boy or a girl?" I just want to say, what does it matter? If I said I wanted a girl and then it was a boy am I going to be disappointed? Or the other way around? I feel like it is a weird question that EVERYONE asks. I guess it just comes with the territory. Well Sam and I were both super nervous, but mostly I was just nervous about him being healthy. I think ultrasounds are amazing. Seeing the brain, the heart, all his legs, arms, hands, and feet. We saw his nice full lips and even some of his fingers. Everything looks healthy and normal so far.

Then came that moment towards the end of our appointment (of course they wait until the end) that we got to find out the gender. At first baby boy was pretty shy and had his legs crossed. I had to go to the bathroom and walk around before we could see anything. Then clear as day we could see that we were having a little boy. The technician didn't even have to say anything before I could see he was a boy. The feelings that flooded over me are indescribable. On the way home Sam and I both said that his whole life flashed before our eyes. The most surprising thing was how emotional Sam was. I have seen Sam cry before but never over something happy. EVER! Not even on our wedding day or when he proposed, or when I told him I was pregnant. But when he found out we are having a boy something happened to him. He was not sobbing or anything, but he definitely cried. It was amazing. To Sam having a boy is a way bigger responsibility for him. Can I just say that it was adorable and I love him even more than ever?

So we are having a sweet baby boy! Now we can finally start really preparing. I have a huge list of things for Sam to do that is keeping him very busy. We have moved everything out of our office, got rid of the piano from the basement, bought a new TV stand, moved our ridiculous cat door, and now Sam is painting the nursery!

I have to admit that having a boy is way more terrifying than having a girl. I know how to take care of a girl. I know what to do for a girl and what her life will be like when she grows up. I have NO idea what to do with a boy. This is Heavenly Father's way of giving me a good challenge but I am ready and excited to take it on! Now that I know he is a boy it just feels so right. I had been telling myself it was a girl for so long but I have felt from the beginning that he was a boy. I am learning this mother's intuition thing already.

20 Week Ultra Sound

He is definitely a boy!

Me 20 weeks pregnant, finally showing a real bump!

Overall thoughts so far at 22 weeks:

• I think I am pretty lucky and have had a relatively uneventful, comfortable pregnancy, but I am a total paranoid person about any sickness, pain, discomfort, etc. I am learning to cope.
• I am starting to get annoyed with the typical questions like "How are you feeling?" or "What are you going to name the baby?" or "Are you excited?" I know people mean well, and I know I have asked (and will ask in the future) these same questions, but they are annoying.
• I have had about 2 or 3 people touch my belly and I didn't really care
• At 21 weeks I started feeling nauseous and very tired again and that is not cool
• Baby kicks are the most wonderful feeling! I first felt them for sure on our cruise at 19 weeks and Sam felt him kick for the first time last night on July 13th!
• I am starting to feel a little anxiety about giving birth and have a fear of pre-term labor, even though I am really low risk and it is an irrational thought.
• I have only gained about 5 pounds (that is after losing about 3 pounds)
• Fruit is by far my favorite food as well as corn on the cob
• I have found that everyone wants to give me a lot of advice that they are just sure it the best way to do things. Some is good, some is different...
• We have 3 top names but we are going to wait until he is born to decide for sure: Gavin, Reid, and Matthew. 

Overall, I can admit that pregnancy is not my favorite thing in the world but I realize it is completely worth it. Every time I feel a little kick I feel so grateful for this experience. I am so lucky to have such a supportive partner in Sam and for being well taken care of. We are halfway there! I can do this!

Babysitting, Vacation, Girls Camp, and Oh Yeah, the Baby (an epic and long post)

Can I just say that June was a crazy month? Well it was. I should probably make this 3 separate posts, but that would just be too much time, so here we go...

For every teacher June seems like the ultimate relief. You can finally get all those things done that you have been wanting to, you can sleep in a little, and relax. Yeah well that lasted about 4 days. We started our summer off with a nice 10 days of baby sitting my nieces. It really was not too bad but being pregnant made me extra exhausted. I love spending time with my cute nieces but they sure make me tired. Even though my sister lives really close to me, it still makes it pretty much impossible for me to get anything done at my own house.

About 5 days after our epic babysitting we were off on our Alaskan cruise! We booked this cruise months ago and have been greatly anticipating this vacation. Overall I am really glad we went but I think my expectation were way beyond reality. In order to not be too long winded, here are the worst and best highlights of our Alaskan Cruise.

Bottom 5 least favorite things:
1. Our Skagway excursion. I thought it would be a magical experience panning for gold, meeting sled dogs and playing with sled dog puppies, learning a little about Alaska history, eating fresh grilled salmon, all while enjoying Alaskan view. In reality is was 10 minutes of gold panning, literally 10  seconds of holding a sled dog puppy, bland farmed salmon, A LOT of sitting around and waiting, and a lot of listening to the shrill voice of our tour guide "Gold Beard" It almost ruined the whole trip for me.
2. The crowds! I did not think about how crowded everything would be. And lets just say some people from certain countries are not polite and do not know how to wait in any kind of line.
3. The cruise food. Not really that great. It was like eating at Sizzler or Chuck-a-Rama every night. You can find what you like, but after a while your poor stomach just can't take it any more.
4. Days at sea when the boat is a rocking. Mostly we had amazing weather, but there was one day that the boat was so rocky I could barely walk. I was so sick all day and it was not fun.
5. Watered down versions of Alaska. I think if we ever went to Alaska again we would not do the cruise route simply because I felt like the cruise gives you a really watered down version of Alaska. Yes it is cool to see 3 different cities, but all you get to see is what the cruise offers you. A lot of it is really watered down and not very authentic I felt. I wanted the real thing!

Top 10 favorite things (because you have to have more positive than negative right?)
1. Our whole visit to Ketchikan. We saw a great lumberjack show, went to a nature preserve and saw about a bazillion bald eagles, baby salmon, beautiful forest, and a lot of bear tracks.
2. Eating the best seafood of my life in Ketchikan. Can I just say I love crab? I make Sam do all the hard work of cracking the legs while I get to reap the sweet, sweet, reward of the meat. It is a good life.
3. Seeing two sets of whales from our ship. Once while eating lunch we believe it was a small pod of Orcas because we saw dorsal fins. The second time was what I would like to believe a hump back whale and her baby calf. We watched them peacefully off the side of the boat almost all alone as they swam along the ship for a long time blowing up water to show they were there. It was magical.
4. Our tour and hike to Mendenhall glacier so kindly set up by my co-worker Tim. He was by far the best tour guide we had and it was cool to hike up closer to the glacier.
5. Taking unlimited naps in our cabin and watching endless movies. We were there for relaxation andd we got it,
6. Getting to be with Sam all day for 7 days! It was great to just spend time together.
7. The city of Victoria. Canada, it's not that bad. But really Victoria was a big surprise. No one had said anything that great about it, but it was actually probably my favorite city on the cruise because it had a lot of personality and was not totally run and controlled by the cruise lines.
8. Seeing seals resting on ice burgs while our ship cruised past the Sawyer Glacier. It was cold, and I got a little grumpy, but it was worth it.
9. Getting to see my friend Amy again in Seattle.
10. The amazing weather, views, and scenery of Alaska. It was so beautiful there and it always makes me want to move to the Northwest.

Overall, I am glad we went on this adventure, but I also think that maybe Sam and I are just not cruise people. I got sick of the food and got sick of being on the ship. We did go to shows and ate a lot of food and stuff, but I think I enjoy just a land adventure more. I felt like it was a lot of money and next time we will do something a little different. By the end I was super ready and excited to go home. Here is an overload of some of my favorite pictures. Sam took most of them because I am a bad photographer.

Our first day on land in Ketchikan

The Mendenhall Glacier outside of Juneau

The beginning of our excursion in Skagway, I am still happy at this point

  

We literally held these puppies for 10 seconds and then passed them on. I am faking happiness here...

The Gardens in Victoria were amazing and I was obsessed with these roses

Who names a street Mensies? We thought it was hilarious.

Last sunset of the cruise

You know when you get home from a vacation and you almost need a few days to recover from your vacation? Yeah, well we probably needed that but did not get it. Immediately after we got home we were off to my 10 year high school reunion. All I will say about that was that it was not as awkward as I thought it would be.

We got home on a Saturday and the following Monday we were up at 5 am and off to girls camp for our ward. Yes, both of us. Sam so lovingly volunteered (or should I say I volunteered him?) to go as a priesthood holder. I am so glad he was there. Honestly he helped me more than he helped anyone else. Overall, girls camp was way fun. I didn't really get to participate in anything because of being pregnant, but Sam did most of it. He basically was my replacement and went off and did everything with the girls while I sat at camp and tried not to overheat and get dehydrated. The camp we went to is a high adventure scout camp called Camp Browning. It was beautiful up there but very hot. It was so cool for the girls to actually get to do some fun adventurous stuff instead of the classic girls camp things like crafts. It was tough! Other than Sam basically betting second degree sunburns while canoeing, it was really fun. But again, we were really ready to go home.

Other than being exhausted beyond reason, and having only slept in my own bed for maybe 8 days out of the entire month, the main reason why I was so eager to get home was because the very next day after girls camp we had out 20 week ultrasound and got to find out if we were having a boy or a girl. We woke up the next day eager, excited and nervous. I love the ultra sounds but there is always a small amount of nervousness that the doctor will find something wrong. We got to see all the major organs and body parts and our baby is healthy and growing normally. And we got to find out that we are having... a boy! Woo hoo! On my side of my family we have 12 nieces and only 1 nephew, so we are pretty excited. My mom was probably even more excited than anyone! For some reason I have felt all along that it was a boy, but because of how many girls we have in my family I had been telling myself that it would be a girl. But my gut was right and we have a strong healthy boy on our way! We are so excited. And I just have to share that my big strong husband cried and I didn't! I have never seen Sam get emotional over anything that was happy. Ever! It was so cute. This little guy already has us wrapped around his little finger and he is not even born yet! Now we are just ready for him to get here! November can't come soon enough