We have a baby, a baby cat.

We are crazy people. Now we have a crazy little cat. A kitten. Sam named her Nala. She is adorable and she tries to bite my feet and hands all the time. We love her already and at the same time I am seriously debating my lapse in judgement that caused me to take her home. On the 24th of July we just happened to stop by at Dick's market. We heard a meow. A loud meow that I had heard before. Flashback 4 years ago. I was on a walk in Logan and heard a little black and white kitten meowing at me from across the road. I took him home. I gave him to my brother-in-law. No harm right? I gave a helpless kitten a good home. Well now I am living with this kitten and his name is Moe. And he is the biggest butthead cat. So why on earth would I ever take in another stray cat? Well I did. And I didn't even have to. We are not the ones who even found the kitten at Dick's. Another family found her and were carrying her around looking for her owner. It was my idea to take her without even seeing her first. When we opened up the box and saw her cute little face and gray striped fur we fell in love. Especially Sam. He is such a softie. So there you go. Meet Nala.

The problem that we did not realize is that adult cats don't really like kittens. We thought, hey, we already have 3 cats, what is one more? Well apparently it is a big deal. I don't think one of the other cats really likes her so we have to keep her in a separate room and only let her out when the other cats are not around. It is kind of a pain. But over time hopefully things will get better and if all else fails she will grow up and be able to hold her own against the other cats. She came from the streets after all. It is a big responsibility but I figure if we can't raise a cat then what hope do we have at parenthood? So here is our first test and I hope it is successful. Either way, Nala is now the third member of our little family.

Patience

This last week at church we had a lesson in Relief Society about patience that really rang true to me and my life. I am positive that I am not the only one who feels this way but sometimes it just feels like I am. Something that Sam and I have been struggling with is the problem of the waiting game. We are always saying to each other "when such and such thing happens we will be happier" or "when we have such and such things our lives will be easier." I have realized that our whole lives we are simply waiting for the next thing to happen to us and thinking that life will get easier or better when those things happen. Ever since I have finished school and got married I have been struggling with this a lot, I mean A LOT. I guess it just feels like I did my time at school (twice), I went off and did some adventurous things, I dated a few weird boys before I found the right one, I have had about a dozen different jobs and moved about two dozen times to various houses and apartments. This problem I think can be summed up into three different parts:

The first: I am not a college student anymore, but still live a semester to semester life because of Sam. Even though I don't have homework anymore, I still feel the stress of deadlines and midterms, but I can't do anything about it. Confession: one time I actually wrote a paper for Sam and it felt great. It is so hard because Sam is studying Spanish and business and I can't help him with either one of those things. I just feel like I am in an eternal school waiting game. I can't wait for the day when tuition is no longer an expense and all my student loans are paid off as well.

The second: That awkward place where everyone around me is a parent and I am not yet. Sam and I are the only couple in our ward who do not have kids. We have only been married a year and I think I am the only one who is pressuring myself about this issue, but I still feel the pressure. I think part of it is that I am around kids pretty much every single day, but they are other people's kids. I want to be around my own kids, I just don't have them yet. And because of things like problem number one, I feel like it will never happen.

The third: I am not in college, I am not a mom, and yet I do still not have a career. One giant frustration this summer has been trying to find a teaching position. I have not been successful yet. After 5 interviews and many tears after being rejected every single time, I have been left very confused and frustrated. When I went back to school I really felt like it was the right thing to do and it seriously NEVER occurred to me that I would not find a job. The moral of the story is to not go into social studies education without and ESL endorsement or without being a coach. Let's just say I have some bitter feelings against coaches lately.

With those three problems weighing on my mind daily I keep living in the past, worrying about the future and feeling unhappy with my life, which makes me feel like an ungrateful crazy person. A piece of truth: I do have a good life, a great life! I have an amazing husband who loves me no matter how crazy emotional I am. I have a family who supports me. I do have a job to go back to during the school year. I have a comfortable home to live in. I have all the things in my life that I really need. So what is my big problem!?

I guess this whole post relates back to the lesson I had on Sunday. It related perfectly to how I was feeling and truly was an answer to a prayer. I realized I have had the answer all along, which is just to be patient. I have been trying really hard to enjoy my life in the moment and to accept things as they come. I am trying to be grateful for what I have and for where I am in my life.